"Fly, little bird": 5 Essential Habits of a Highly Effective Mentor

Table of Contents

Why We Need More Mentors

5 Essential Habits of a Highly Effective Mentor

One Last Thought

References

People come in and out of our lives. But there are some people whose influence reverberates for years. 

I was unpacking my new office space. Getting my books just right. Making sure my pen holder had the right balance of pens, pencils, highlighters, and sharpies. The day was close to ending and so was I. I was due with my first child the next week and still hanging on, trying to save every last sick and vacation day for time with my newborn.

As I sat at my desk putting the finishing touches on my organizational space, Maureen busted into my office with her bag, arms outstretched. In typical Maureen fashion, she exclaimed, “Come on, kiddo, let’s make this quick.” And with that, I erupted into tears. She was retiring, and when I returned from maternity, my partner in crime would no longer be there. 

We hugged as I whimpered, “I’m going to miss you so much.” 

She replied with a, “Me, too.” And with that, she told me to take care of myself and that baby as she left my office as quickly as she came in. 

Maureen was so much more than a co-worker. She was and still is my dearest confidant, mentor, role model, and friend. She got me through my first two years as an assistant principal with all the frustrations, failures, tears, joys, and laughs. She had an integral part in shaping me into the leader I am today. She embodied essential qualities that every mentor should emulate.

In this week’s post, I’ll explain why mentorship and mentors are integral to an individual’s growth and development. Then, I’ll highlight the five essential habits of a highly effective mentor as shown through my adventures and anecdotes with Maureen.

Why We Need More Mentors

A mentor is integral to any individual’s professional growth (Bell & Rosowsky, 2021). The term “mentor” originates from Homer’s epic poem The Odyssey which follows Odysseus’s journey back home from his victory in the Battle of Troy. The character, Mentor, takes care of Odysseus’s son and educates his son while awaiting his father’s return. This education is what sets apart an exceptional mentor from a mediocre one. 

A mentor doesn’t just help you in a pinch after you win an epic battle and return home. A good mentor will be woven into life, a thread in your journey. The longer a mentor and mentee work together, the deeper your relationship can grow (Kirsch, 2021). 

Considering Bandura’s (1977) Social Cognitive Theory (SCT), a mentor is a vital component of the learning process as they guide learners while challenging their thinking in a nurturing way. Through observation and imitation, a mentee can acquire new behaviors. This process can be augmented when the mentee identifies (similar age, gender, status, etc.) with the mentor, which is why relationships are key to the mentor-mentee dynamic. 

An effective mentoring relationship can push the mentee to new heights and help them develop their passions, stay motivated, and achieve their goals. This can be accomplished with a trusting, caring relationship between the mentor and mentee (Eller et al., 2014).

But, the mentee is not the only one who can benefit from the relationship. Mentors can be exposed to new ideas or perspectives (Grogan et al., 2013). And teaching or guiding someone through reflection can cause that individual to learn and discover.

The mentor-mentee relationship when done well can continue to impact both individuals years after the mentorship has occurred. Both individuals' deep commitment to each other can lead to not only professional growth, but also personal growth and lasting friendships (Bell & Rosowsky, 2021). 

5 Essential Habits of a Highly Effective Mentor

Mentorship could be that extra something that schools need to truly get to the next level and ensure the people within their community feel connected and supported. While new teachers are given mentors fairly often, this expectation differs for administrators. It really shouldn’t as a new administrator needs just as much support as a new teacher. 

If you are selected to be a mentor or you are looking for someone to mentor another individual, make sure these five essential habits are practiced:

1. Create a Trusting Connection 

Well, here it is again… relationships. To have an effective mentorship, there needs to be a connection. With time, that connection and relationship will breed trust and respect, which happened with me and Maureen.

The first time I met Maureen in the interview process, I felt a connection. It could have just been the adrenaline rushing through my body, but I felt a desire to work with this woman who seemed so supportive and kind.

Our connection and friendship grew exponentially throughout my first few months as an assistant principal. She, another co-worker, and I would walk around the building after school once everyone left to stretch our legs, reflect on the day, and chat. These walks are one of the fondest memories I have. They were an opportunity to nurture our relationship. 

The humor, smiles, and laughs we had made the job so enjoyable and primed me for learning. I was comfortable. I was vulnerable. All because we had a trusting relationship founded on respect.

2. Listen with Empathy 

Any good mentor will know the value of not just listening, but listening with empathy. To suspend judgment and listen to a mentee is integral to rapport and trust. Being a mentee and sharing your thoughts, feelings, and failures puts you in an extremely vulnerable position. This is why the mentor must be understanding and show this through active, empathetic listening. 

I recall entering Maureen’s office countless times and just sitting with her to share my concerns and challenges as I worked through my new role. I’d sit across from her and she would look at me with her warm eyes and smile.

All I would need to hear from her would be, “Oh, Nic,” and I would know she was listening and feeling alongside me. 

As you navigate your relationship with a mentee, know that you do not always have to say something. Sometimes, the simple act of listening with empathy can be enough for them in the moment. 

3. Be a Role Model 

It was my first official visit to the school and I was appearing at a faculty meeting. Before the meeting, the principal introduced me to Maureen and left us together for a moment. 

She looked down at my two-inch heels. “You don’t want to wear heels in this job. You never know when you're going to have to run after a kid.” I gave a staccato laugh, trying to figure out if she was joking or serious. 

I have never forgotten that moment or her advice. Since then, I consistently wear flats. And yes, there have been moments when this advice has come in handy. 

Imitation is key to the learning process (Bandura, 1977). When I would come home with my stories of the day, I recall my husband telling me to follow Maureen’s lead. She had years of experience and led with professionalism, care, and concern. 

Throughout the two years I worked with her, I watched Maureen and soaked in what she did. How she interacted with others. What she did when a kid was having a breakdown. How she contributed to conversations. 

I watched her exude confidence and kindness. She was unabashedly herself. I followed suit. I became more comfortable in my shoes (not my heels though) as the years passed. I became more confident and grew because of Maureen’s mentorship and because I watched and learned from my role model.  

4. Champion without Waver

You can not be a mentor without inspiring and motivating your mentee to achieve and reach beyond what they think they are capable of. When I had an idea to convert a space in the library to a maker space with flexible seating, she fully supported me and encouraged me to speak up. When I interviewed for position after position, Maureen was always there, cheering me on and telling me how I was more than capable and deserved an opportunity.

She had the utmost confidence in me, and for that, I can never repay her enough. Her belief in me inspired me to continue to learn and grow despite the failures, setbacks, and disappointments I experienced along the way. 

She was and still is my champion without wavering.  

5. Provide Growth-Oriented Feedback 

With her unwavering support, Maureen was also honest with me and willing to give me feedback that would help me grow. When we had a discipline issue that did not go as intended, she explained to me with kindness and empathy what we could have done differently. 

She did not judge me for making mistakes and saw in me the ability to learn and grow instead. Because we had a connection and I knew she always had my best interest at heart, I could listen to her feedback without feeling ashamed. My vulnerability was only possible because of the strong foundation we had.  

One Last Thought

One day as Maureen and I were monitoring students between the class change in what we called “the link,” she told me about a commercial she viewed the previous night. It was for Geico and in it, a sumo wrestler ice skates (a hilarious feat!). In his final move, “the baby bird,” he pretends to put a bird in his hand and then lets it fly away. 

She exclaimed to me that I was the “little bird.” She would (and still does) use this term of endearment. In her goodbye letter to me when she retired, she told me that it was time to fly, little bird. And fly I did thanks to her. 

If you enter a profession without a mentor, someone who is invested in your growth and development, it will be tremendously difficult to reach your full potential. While I have not always been given an official mentor in some of my positions, I have found individuals to fill this void. 

Maureen was not my official “mentor.” She did not get compensated. She was not anointed with a mentor staff. She was not asked to mentor me. She just did it. Her willingness to sacrifice her time to invest in my growth and development is what made her such an incredible mentor and is what makes her an exceptional human being. 

Every day was an adventure with Maureen and I miss working with my friend. Even though we no longer work together, we stay in contact. As I go through the day-to-day, I try to keep her spirit and energy alive in everything I do. Her love for students, especially those who need it the most. Her love for staff, as she led with empathy and understanding while kindly encouraging them to become better. Her focus is on developing the potential leaders around her.

I only hope that I have made her proud. If anything, I’ve stayed true to at least one piece of advice.… I no longer wear heels to work. 😉

References

Bandura, A., & Walters, R. H. (1977). Social learning theory (Vol. 1). Prentice Hall: Englewood Cliffs.

Bell, G. R., & Rosowsky, D. V. (2021). On the importance of mentorship and great mentors. Structural Safety, 91, 102076.

Eller, L. S., Lev, E. L., & Feurer, A. (2014). Key components of an effective mentoring relationship: A qualitative study. Nurse education today, 34(5), 815-820.

Grogan, P., Eviner, V., & Hobbie, S. (2012, August). The Qualities and Impacts of a Great Mentor—and How to Improve your own Mentoring. In Meeting of the Ecological Society of America in Portland.

Kirsch, K. (2021, Dec. 17). 9 mentor traits to look for and why they matter. Hubspot. https://blog.hubspot.com/marketing/mentor-traits