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Standing up to those who have power when you do not can be extremely challenging and daunting. Like scaling a mountain or cliff that has no end in sight.
This past week I had the chance to participate in an incredible equity session with Nikole Hollins-Sims, a PBIS and Equity partner. My district has worked closely with her over the past few years to advance our equity work. We’ve also been using the text, Belonging Through a Culture of Dignity [BTCD], which uses some of Donna Hicks’s research on dignity and connects that to belonging.
Something made clear in BTCD is that we must use our voice when things go sideways and someone violates our dignity. During the training, Hollins-Sims shared her own poignant story when a high-level leader with whom she worked violated her dignity.
Her story got me thinking about why we need to address dignity violations and ways we can do so in the moment. The individuals I worked with during this session reflected on her story and we all experienced times when we heard a dignity violation or were the victim of one. But instead of addressing it in the moment, we froze in time.
If dignity violations go unaddressed, they can contribute to a culture of silence and complicity where individuals look the other way, leaving the dignity violaters unchecked and giving them carte blanche to hurt again (Cobb & Krownapple, 2019).
It is challenging to be the savior or voice of good especially when a leader is doing the harm. Perhaps they act this way because they feel empowered. Or maybe it’s just ignorance? Or just sheer arrogance?
Regardless, dignity violations tear away at the fabric of our being and slowly disintegrate our self-worth.
In this week’s post, I’ll share some insights on dignity and dignity violations while also highlighting why we must fight the good fight against those violators. I’ll then provide some helpful tips on how to call out those who violate dignity.
Understanding the Role of Dignity
Dignity is a fundamental human right and a cornerstone for cultivating healthy relationships, equitable environments, and flourishing communities. Dignity plays a central role in promoting belonging, fostering positive identity formation, and nurturing a sense of security.
Donna Hicks (2018), a leading scholar on dignity, makes clear that dignity is not something earned. Dignity is a birthright. So when someone violates our dignity, this cuts deep into our core and can lead to unhealthy identity views and beliefs.
Within education, we must affirm each student’s unique identity without judgment or bias. And we must also do the same with the adults in the organization.
Cobb and Krownapple (2019) build on Hicks's idea and explain that to belong, students must feel that they are part of the educational community, with equal access to resources and opportunities. This is crucial in reducing feelings of alienation and disengagement, which can lead to academic underperformance and behavioral issues.
Belonging and dignity are intertwined (Cobb & Krownapple, 2019). To feel a sense of belonging, our dignity must be affirmed and never violated. Educators must intentionally cultivate spaces where students not only feel safe but also seen, valued, and heard. Employers should do the same. However, belonging and dignity can deteriorate when there are dignity violations.
Dignity violations can take many forms, from disrespectful comments and exclusion to more systemic issues like discrimination and inequity. Overtime, these dignity violations erode trust and connection within a community – shattering relationships (Hicks, 2018).
If dignity violations go unaddressed, they can contribute to a culture of silence and complicity where individuals look the other way, leaving the dignity violaters unchecked and giving them carte blanche to hurt again (Cobb & Krownapple, 2019).
Over time, repeated dignity violations cause serious harm to one’s well-being and self perception. It can also trigger feelings of shame, anger, and humiliation, which can lead to long-term emotional and psychological consequences. When there is a lack of belonging, health deteriorates – the health of the organization and the individual (Cobb & Krownapple, 2019).
How to Effectively Address Dignity Violations
We all have dignity and deserve to be treated in a way that maintains that dignity. However, we do not live in a perfect world and you will encounter dignity violations. And, if you’re human, you’ve probably violated someone else’s dignity at some point in time.
So what can we do when we are in the middle of an incredibly awkward situation and someone says something that hurts, degrades, or belittles someone or an entire community? Here are a few tips to keep in mind to help you speak up the next time someone violates dignity.
1. Maintain your calm
While what the other person said may make your blood boil, your belly ache, and your hair curl, you must not lose your cool. The moment you escalate and blow your top is the moment they can use that eruption against you.
When you decide to address the dignity violation, take some deep breaths. It might even be helpful to hold onto something like a fidget or twirl a ring on a finger to help you channel your anger. Whatever tool you use, temper your anger so that your counter-attack is heard without the mask of anger.
2. Don’t Wait Too Long
In the moment, it can be hard to jump in and address something. For me personally, it often comes as a shock, leaving me a bit baffled. If you do not have it within you to address the issue in the moment, then give it some time. But do not wait for longer than 48 hours.
Next time you speak with that person, work your concern into the conversation. One of the problems with this approach though is that if others witnessed the instance, and did not see or hear you address it, they may believe that acting and speaking that way is acceptable.
Consider this point, as you do not want to discredit yourself or contribute to the culture’s deterioration.
Safeguarding dignity is essential for fostering environments where all individuals feel seen, valued, and heard. We must create spaces where dignity is not just an ideal but a lived reality for everyone.
3. Have an Arsenal Ready
Fly like a butterfly and sting like a bee! 🦋 🐝 Make sure you have some one-liners or short questions ready to go to counteract a dignity violation.
A few examples could be:
Can you tell me more about that?
I don’t quite understand what you mean by (insert term). Can you explain?
I’m surprised to hear you say that. Can you clarify what you mean?
That last point didn’t sit right with me. Can we talk about it more?
Can we pause? I need a minute to understand the last statement.
And the list can go on. Whatever you decide, have a few lines ready and really practice saying them so they are engrained in your mind. Next time someone says something that doesn’t sit right with you, kapow, unleash.
4. Use your “I” Statements
When addressing the violation, use those "I" statements. Explain how the comment made you feel and avoid accusations. For example, “When I heard (insert statement), I felt really hurt.”
Using “I” statements rather than calling them out with “you,” can de-escalate the situation and open the other person up to receive your feedback and/or questions.
5. Follow Restorative Justice
Hicks (2018) highlights that conflicts, when handled through the lens of dignity, can lead to growth and stronger relationships. Restorative justice allows all parties to share their experiences, be heard, and collaboratively resolve the issue, fostering a sense of respect and community.
Even though the person making the comment violated dignity, it could be complete ignorance. Use the experience as an education opportunity and share information that can help correct their judgments and/or comments.
6. Address with HR
If the statement is so egregious and you feel powerless to address it with the person because of a power dynamic, then go to HR. I know this feels icky, but the thing is, you honestly don’t know how many times this type of situation has occurred.
How many times has this person said something to violate dignity? How many times has someone felt belittled by their tone, temperment, and/or words? We can not allow others to meander through life razing people’s dignity to the ground.
Be a light and voice for good.
One Last Thought
Safeguarding dignity is essential for fostering environments where all individuals feel seen, valued, and heard. We must create spaces where dignity is not just an ideal but a lived reality for everyone. And this starts with your ability to address those violations, however uncomfortable, when they happen.
I’m sure some of you may know of an individual who repeatedly violated dignity and slowly made their way up the ladder. Did anyone ever say anything? Was someone the voice of reason and a dignity defender? Maybe yes, maybe no. But, it only takes one voice to make a change.
Let your voice be the voice of change and accountability – of respect and dignity.
References
Cobb, F., & Krownapple, J. (2019). Belonging through a culture of dignity: The keys to successful equity implementation. Mimi and Todd Press.
Hicks, D. (2018). Leading with Dignity: How to Create a Culture That Brings Out the Best in People. Yale University Press. https://doi.org/10.2307/j.ctvqc6gvg
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