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As the year winds down, tempers tend to flare as combustion builds. How leaders handle that combustion begins with empathy.
Years ago, I recall a student who lost his wallet at prom. This student frantically spoke to me, some chaperones, and a few friends about how nervous he was that he lost his wallet. I should mention that he was autistic.
We tried to console him and ensure him that it would pop up when the caterers cleaned the facility. Eventually, his limo arrived and he and his friends scurried to after prom.
One of the other chaperones pivoted their heel and said to the rest of us, “I’m never going to get that 20 minutes of my life back.”
When you listen to others, express your concern for that individual so they know you care.
Regardless of the “inconvenience” it might cause us in the moment, we must handle each other with care and empathy, especially those who need it most.
I recently saw Joy Kelly speak at my local intermediate unit and quickly devoured her and Jimmy Casas’s book, Handle with Care. A quick read that packs a punch, Handle with Care reminds us how to lead with empathy, care, and concern when we handle difficult situations.
Casas and Kelly encourage readers to “assume that everyone in the community has an invisible ‘Handle with Care’ sticker, reminding us that, at times, everyone can be fragile” (p. 156). This reminder is so incredibly important at this time of year when individuals can lose their cool and become overwhelmed or frustrated.
In this week’s post, you’ll learn about empathic leadership and how the philosophy of “Handle with Care” can build a stronger, healthier community. I’ll then give you six ways you can begin practicing empathic leadership in the hope that you can inspire your community and build trust and relationships.
The Crossroads Between Empathy and Leadership
Empathy seems to be all the rage in leadership nowadays and for good reason. Empathy is “being aware of and sharing another person’s feelings, experiences, and emotions.”
Leading with empathy can be confused with sympathy or leniency, but in reality, empathy is different. Empathy is the way leaders can build trust with their employees and a better, more productive work environment.
Since the pandemic, the need for empathy has heightened as more attention has been brought to mental health concerns.
A global 2020 study by Qualtrics found that 42% of people reported declining mental health. Additionally, 67% of people’s stress levels and 57% of people’s anxiety have increased. When we function under high levels of stress, our sleep, amongst other things, is compromised according to a study in Occupational Health Science.
In a study conducted by Catalyst, when employees had empathetic leaders, 61% reported they were more inclined to take risks and be innovative as compared to only 13% of employees with less empathetic leaders.
Considering workplace negativity and unempathetic interactions, when someone receives an uncivil work email, the negativity they feel reverberates throughout their day and bleeds into their personal lives; their children and partners experience the brunt end of that negativity. Incivility at work can also make individuals feel that they can’t parent.
Finally, negativity can drastically impact performance, turnover, and customer experiences as one study in the Academy of Management Journal found. When people perceive others as being rude, they will be less likely to lend a helping and their overall performance can suffer.
So, it’s pretty clear that negativity and unempathetic interactions can lead to horrible outcomes, some of which I bet none of us ever intended.
So then, why not lead with empathy? Empathy can be the panacea we need to cure the ills we face at work.
In a study conducted by Catalyst, when employees had empathetic leaders, 61% reported they were more inclined to take risks and be innovative as compared to only 13% of employees with less empathetic leaders.
Empathetic leaders can also increase engagement as 76% of employees reported feeling more engaged compared to 32%. The benefits don’t stop there as retention can increase when people feel that their life circumstances are considered and valued and not judged by their employers.
Next time someone needs to leave 15 minutes early to get to their child’s game or to a doctor’s appointment, just let them go and don't give them a hard time.
Finally, work-life balance can improve for those who have empathetic leaders. 86% of employees reported they could handle the balance between life and work versus 60% who claimed their boss was less empathetic.
Being an empathic leader helps people be better at their job and more focused. It also builds trust and community as you are connecting with others, considering their experiences, and handling them with care.
6 Ways to Lead with Empathy
Leading with empathy involves a lot more than just walking in another person’s shoes and feeling with them. There are six ways you can lead with empathy. These include:
1. Practice cognitive empathy
This is essentially trying to consider someone else’s thoughts. Putting yourself in their shoes and ruminating over what that person might be thinking. You are trying to look at the logic of the situation and unpack the thoughts behind their decision or what they are experiencing.
Practicing cognitive empathy might sound like, “I can imagine thinking that this would be the best decision…..”
2. Practice emotional empathy
Similar to cognitive empathy, emotional empathy involves putting yourself in someone else’s shoes but you are considering the affective part - how do they feel? When we think of empathy, this is probably what we think of most, the feelings associated with an event and trying to connect with someone.
Practicing emotional empathy might sound like, “I would feel similarly if I had…..”
3. Listen
Here it is again! The art of listening! Make sure you are listening more than you are talking.
You do not want to come off as a know it all and you definitely don’t want to make it appear that things are all about you. One of the most frustrating parts of having a conversation is when others over-talk. Sometimes, all someone really needs is an ear to listen.
4. Express concern
When you listen to others, express your concern for that individual so they know you care. Try using short phrases and don’t focus too much on how you are feeling about the situation.
Keep the focus on the other person but acknowledge that you care for them and what they are experiencing.
Sometimes an embrace, holding a hand, or a gentle hand on someone’s back can be enough to connect and show your concern (Just make sure they are ok with it).
5. Inquire
Asking questions is a sure way to connect with someone and show them you are listening. Inquire with caution though. You don’t want to come off as nosey. Respect boundaries.
Some individuals are very private and do not want to share their personal lives at work. That’s ok. Simply asking how they’re doing and expressing that you are there for them can be enough for those individuals.
6. Walk the talk
Finally, you have to walk the talk. Your actions are so much more profound and impactful than your words. Anyone can speak and express concern, but if your actions don’t align with what you are saying, then your words mean nothing.
If you are telling someone you feel for them as their child is sick, but when they ask to leave early to go to an appointment, you deny them, then what good are your words?
One Last Thought
This past week was rough. I definitely could have had a “Handle with Care” sticker plastered on my forehead. Discipline mounted, parents became upset, I attended a funeral for one of my former students, and my good friend lost her husband, all the while I was trying to be a good mom and wife.
In isolation, the issues above are manageable. But when they pile upon one another and compound, things become combustible. A “Handle with Care” approach could’ve made the difference. I say this not to garner sympathy, but only to remind you that we all have our baggage. Some of us hide it better than others.
When interacting with every person we encounter, whether they are in our school community or at the local Wawa, lead with empathy and handle with care.
References
Bommel, T. V. (2023, October 19). The Power of Empathy in Times of Crisis and Beyond (Report) Catalyst. https://www.catalyst.org/reports/empathy-work-strategy-crisis
Casas, J. & Kelly, J. (2021). Handle with Care: Managing Difficult Situations in Schools with Dignity and Respect. ConnectEDD.
Ciciora, P., & Ciciora, P. (2018, July 16.). Paper: Email incivility has a ripple effect on households. University of Illinois. https://news.illinois.edu/view/6367/670955
Dennison, K. (2023, February 27). The Importance of Empathy in Leadership: How to Lead with Compassion and Understanding in 2023. Forbes. https://www.forbes.com/sites/karadennison/2023/02/24/the-importance-of-empathy-in-leadership-how-to-lead-with-compassion-and-understanding-in-2023/?sh=38cf431359e3
empathy. (2024). In Merriam-Webster Dictionary. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/empathy#:~:text=Kids%20Definition-,empathy,also%20%3A%20the%20ability%20for%20this
Fritz, C., Park, Y., & Shepherd, B. R. (2018). Workplace Incivility Ruins my Sleep and Yours: the Costs of Being in a Work-Linked Relationship. Occupational Health Science, 3(1), 1–21. https://doi.org/10.1007/s41542-018-0030-8
Porath, C. L., & Erez, A. (2007). Does rudeness really matter? The effects of rudeness on task performance and helpfulness. Academy of Management Journal/the Academy of Management Journal, 50(5), 1181–1197. https://doi.org/10.5465/amj.2007.20159919
Rude to your coworker? Think of the children. (2018, August 11). https://www.apa.org. https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2018/08/rude-coworker
Stembridge, G. (2023, August 17). The other COVID-19 crisis: Mental health. Qualtrics. https://www.qualtrics.com/blog/confronting-mental-health/
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