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There are times when we all need a life preserver. A time when we can't and shouldn't go it alone.
Personally, I dread these moments. Perhaps it is the concept of American independence promulgated throughout Western society. Maybe it is the fact that I’m a woman and fear if I ask for help I’ll appear incompetent.
And it doesn’t matter if it is wanting help with taking out the trash or implementing a new idea at work, being vulnerable and admitting that I can’t do it scares me.
Educators often pride themselves on being self-sufficient, juggling a million tasks, and keeping our classrooms and schools running efficiently and smoothly. We will even do this and work ourselves to the point of exhaustion. But let’s be honest: no one can do it all alone.
Seeking help is associated with higher levels of job satisfaction and reduced feelings of burnout. Individuals who regularly ask for help at work report feeling more supported and less overwhelmed by their responsibilities (Newman & Schwager, 2013).
Despite what we might want to believe, asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a strength, especially in the demanding world of education. Embracing the practice of seeking help can be transformative—not just for you, but for your students, your colleagues, and your school community.
When we open ourselves to other perspectives and collaborate, we can dismantle the status quo and turn it into something amazing.
In this post, we’ll explore why asking for help is so important, dive into some research that supports the benefits of doing so, and offer 5 practical tips on how to get more comfortable with this often-overlooked skill. So cozy on up, grab a cup of coffee, and let’s break down the barriers to seeking support.
Breaking the Stigma: Why We Struggle to Ask for Help
Let’s start by addressing the elephant in the room 🐘: Why is asking for help so hard? For many of us, it boils down to a few key reasons. First, there’s the fear of appearing incompetent or being an imposter. I find that the imposter syndrome generally plagues our new educators. The ones who feel like they need to be perfect and shouldn't ask for help because they fear retribution.
Just so you hear it from me.... you do not need all the answers.
But we’ve all been there—feeling like we need to have all the answers, especially in front of our students or colleagues. This pressure can be intense, leading us to believe that admitting we need help is equivalent to admitting failure. As I’ve grown over the past few years, I’ve become more comfortable with saying, “I don’t know,” or “I’m not sure. What do you think?” These phrases seem so simple, but it's taken me years to get to this point.
When we open ourselves to other perspectives and collaborate, we can dismantle the status quo and turn it into something amazing.
Another common reason we struggle to ask for help is the desire to be seen as capable and independent, something that is truly Western. Other societies throughout the world pride themselves in collective capacity and community - but not ours.
Teachers are often expected to manage their classrooms, curriculum, and student needs with minimal guidance. This expectation can create a culture where asking for help is viewed as a last resort rather than a natural part of the process. We must break down these barriers to normalize asking for help.
Finally, let’s not forget the “I can do it myself” mentality. Many of us were raised to believe that independence is a virtue, and while it certainly has its merits, it can also prevent us from seeking the support we need.
We may think, “It’ll be faster if I just do it myself,” or “I don’t want to bother anyone.” But in reality, these thoughts can keep us from reaching our full potential. Moreover, they contribute to isolation. This lone wolf mentality further alienates individuals within a school community and can lead you down a dangerous path.
Why Asking for Help is Crucial for Growth
Extending your hand and asking for help will unequivocally impact your school culture. If you’ve normalized seeking other perspectives and not being the know it all, you will have a much more positive culture. However, if you've been dealt a toxic environment where only a few yield power and/or authority and there is fear of retribution when asking for assistance, then you need to begin shifting minds and hearts.
Seeking help is associated with higher levels of job satisfaction and reduced feelings of burnout. Individuals who regularly ask for help at work report feeling more supported and less overwhelmed by their responsibilities (Newman & Schwager, 2013). Probably because they are not carrying the entire load on their shoulders. This sense of support is particularly important for educators, who often face high levels of stress and responsibility.
Moreover, asking for help is linked to greater learning and professional development. A study by Lee et al. (2016) highlights that employees who seek assistance from colleagues are more likely to develop new skills and improve their job performance.
Within education, this could translate to better teaching practices, more effective classroom management, and a deeper understanding of content areas. When teachers collaborate and seek input from one another, they can share strategies, troubleshoot challenges, and collectively raise the quality of education they provide. I ♥️ PLC cultures.
I know many fear that asking for help makes you look incompetent, but asking for advice can increase the perception of competence. Individuals who ask for advice are often viewed as more knowledgeable and competent by their peers. This is because asking for help demonstrates self-awareness and a willingness to learn—traits that are highly valued in any profession, including education (Yoon, 2019). Taking in the feedback of others is a sign of strength.
It’s also worth noting that asking for help can foster a sense of community and collaboration. In a study by Edmondson (1999), it was found that teams with high levels of psychological safety—where members feel comfortable asking for help and admitting mistakes—are more effective and innovative. This means that a school culture that encourages help-seeking can lead to more creative problem-solving and a stronger, more supportive teaching community.
5 Practical Tips to Ask for Help
So, we’ve established that asking for help is not only beneficial but crucial for growth and success in education. But how do we get comfortable with this practice? Here are some tips to help you start asking for the support you need, without feeling awkward or guilty. 😳
1. Start Small
With anything new in life… baby steps. There is no need to run a million miles a minute into the unknown. Go slow to go fast.
If you’re not used to asking for help, it can be overwhelming to suddenly start doing so. Begin by seeking assistance with small tasks or questions. For example, ask a colleague for advice on a specific lesson plan or request feedback on a classroom management strategy. By starting small, you’ll build confidence and gradually become more comfortable with the process.
Eventually, you’ll be able to tear down those walls and be more open to asking for help. Hopefully, you’ll get to the point where seeking help permeates your school so that you are a collaborative network thirsty to improve and grow.
2. Reframe Your Thinking
Instead of viewing asking for help as a sign of weakness, try to reframe it as an opportunity for growth. Remember that seeking support is a way to enhance your skills and improve your teaching.
You can think of it this way. Would we tell our students never to ask for help? Heck no! We expect and require that they ask for helkp. They are there to learn and grow and so are we.
Reframing your thinking is also a way to connect with others and build stronger relationships with your colleagues. I just read the ASCD magazine for this month and in one article, they mention the egg carton of education. Traditional American school systems have teachers existing in these separate silos like little eggs in an egg carton. This is debilitating to the entire organization.
Instead, we must foster consistent connections with colleagues so that we become stronger and more knowledgeable. When you view asking for help in this light, it becomes a positive and empowering action.
Asking for help is one of the most powerful skills we need to acquire and foster. It allows us to grow, learn, and improve our practice, while also building stronger connections with our colleagues.
3. Be Specific
When asking for help, be clear and specific about what you need. This makes it easier for the person you’re asking to provide the appropriate support. For instance, instead of saying, “I’m struggling with classroom management,” you could say, “I’m having trouble keeping my students focused during transitions. Do you have any strategies that work well for you?” This specificity not only helps you get the help you need but also shows that you’ve thought carefully about your request.
If you just make general statements about classroom management or lesson planning, then the receiver might be at a loss for what you truly need. It can also come across like you aren’t being thoughtful or reflective. And worst-case scenario, someone might think you are just complaining to complain and that’s the last thing you want! So be clear and specific about what you need.
4. Build a Support Network
One of the best ways to make asking for help a regular part of your professional life is to build a strong support network. Create connections with the individuals around you. Surround yourself with colleagues who are open, supportive, and willing to collaborate. This could be through formal mentoring programs, PLCs, or even informal teacher groups. When you have a trusted network, asking for help becomes a natural and regular part of your interactions.
Relationships are the foundation of success and growth.
5. Practice Gratitude
Whenever someone helps you, be sure to express your gratitude. A simple “thank you” goes a long way in showing appreciation and strengthening your professional relationships. Gratitude also reinforces the positive experience of asking for help, making it more likely that you’ll feel comfortable doing so again in the future.
I’ve even written thank-you notes to individuals who went above and beyond. A thank you note is a rarity now in today’s technological world. Take the time to whip out that pen and paper and brighten someone’s day with some sincere gratitude.
One Last Thought
Asking for help is one of the most powerful skills we need to acquire and foster. It allows us to grow, learn, and improve our practice, while also building stronger connections with our colleagues. Even though it can be challenging to overcome the stigma and fears associated with seeking support, the benefits far outweigh the discomfort.
Entering my second year as principal, I’m learning to ask for more help. To extend my hand and let people know I need their perspective and assistance to make sure we are growing our school community. In my opening with staff, I even shared with them that I need their help to make our vision a reality. I led with a request for help.
Asking for help is not a sign of weakness—it’s a testament to your commitment to becoming the best educator you can be. So the next time you’re feeling overwhelmed, stuck, or just in need of a fresh perspective, don’t hesitate to reach out. You’ll be surprised at how much you can achieve when you embrace the power of collaboration and support.
References
Edmondson, A. C. (1999). Psychological safety and learning behavior in work teams. Administrative Science Quarterly, 44(2), 350-383.
Lee, Y. K., Lee, J. H., & Seo, Y. W. (2016). The impact of help-seeking on job satisfaction: The mediating role of social support. International Journal of Human Resource Management, 27(17), 1931-1948.
Newman, R. S. (1998). Students' help seeking during problem solving: Influences of personal and contextual achievement goals. Journal of educational psychology, 90(4), 644.
Yoon, J. (2019, September 20). Why asking for advice is more effective than asking for feedback. Harvard Business Review. https://hbr.org/2019/09/why-asking-for-advice-is-more-effective-than-asking-for-feedback
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